This blog for me feels like my biggest yet. I pray that God leads all He wants to this blog to give them spiritual clarity and guidance. What I have been walking through in my personal faith journey has been slowly formalizing into words, and I think I am at the point where God can use me to bring this truth.
When I first arrived on the race, I realized how much I was not walking in faith. It was revealed that my faith was seldom founded in God, and it consisted mostly of Sunday mornings. In a trip of solitude at the Appalachian mountains, I was guided to Romans 12:2. That I had been stuck in the patterns of the world for all my life, and I was unable to be transformed by the renewing of my mind.
I was stuck in the patterns of the world. When I was young, I would go to school, hang out with my best friend after, maybe have sports practice, and then go to bed. As I got older it was school, sports, homework, bed. I was going through the motions in my faith because I was going through the motions in my life. Our lives and our faith should not be disconnected. I was distracted by all the things of the world and I had no space for God. I gave Him a container of the 9 to 11 window block on Sundays.
That day in the woods, figuring out that revelation stirred something deep in my heart. An inexplicable joy of the Lord. An inexplicable awe for God. I was in awe of Him and who He was. He took me out of the world and brought me into who He is. This opening in my mind brought great awe for God. God had shown me that I was now walking in renewing my mind and He spoke the word new over me that day.
The rest of my time in Georgia, I was pursuing God with a burning fire. Surrendering my life completely to Him and living out the identity of who He said I was. Learning my actual identity in God brought awe to my soul.
Going home for month 4 was hard at first. I felt unsatisfied and felt like I needed to do something. To go somewhere to find what I was lacking. I began to see circumstances that I didn’t like, and found things to complain about. I knew that what was challenging me in this time was good for my growth, but I didn’t get to the depth of understanding that made me satisfied in that. As time progressed at home, I found the answer.
It was the times where I would just fall on my knees in humble adoration of God. Times where I would cry out to Him, knowing that in my brokenness and weakness I could do nothing without Him. Coming into a deep state of worship throughout the day with God, I began to accept being at home and the peace that came from God.
Coming back to Georgia to get ready to fly overseas, “this would be a year of awe” was a prophecy that was spoken over me. I felt that heavy weight of that prophecy that day, but I have just recently found out a large amount of what that entailed.
In Costa Rica, I seeked to find joy in what I was doing. To continue to keep my focus on God through it all. To emphasize my relationship with God first. It was hard, because we had jumped so much more into ministry that I found it difficult to balance the two. Making sure I was in the right heart posture every day to go out and minister to others. To make sure I wasn’t bringing unhealthy brokenness, but the power of God’s grace amidst my brokenness.
Now I am here, in the Dominican Republic. So much fruit has come out of the time here, but it has honestly been very hard as well. There is a spiritual presence here that is heavy. For a while now, I have felt weird in my walk with God. I wasn’t sure if the change was bad, but it just seemed like I wasn’t serving the same God that it felt like when I was in Georgia. Little did I know that everything I have written so far has been centered around the word “awe.”
By the grace of God, I have been shown by the Lord that where I am feeling unsatisfied here in the Dominican is a misplaced sense of awe. That the distractions and the works of the enemy has stopped me from feeling that great sense of awe I first had. I talk so much about the importance of a relationship with God, and I realize that our relationship with God depends on our depth of awe.
In Genesis, at the fall, the serpent tried to deceive Adam and Eve by telling them they would become like God in understanding the knowledge of good and evil. Their choice to eat the apple was them falling away from the awe of God, and falling into the awe of themselves. They were living in perfect harmony with God, but they saw an opportunity for selfish gain and they tried to take it. Our misplaced awe has come from the beginning of sinful nature.
Misplaced awe is the root of so many problems we face. Awe is a longing in the nature of humans, and where we place our awe affects our entire lives. Some people place it materialism. Some people place it in lust. Some people place it in how much success they have. Despite all these things, they never lead someone to be satisfied. We see a world full of depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts. A world full of dissatisfaction. This itself reveals the truth of the Gospel. I have only seen the cross of Jesus Christ bring complete satisfaction to a person, and that is great evidence to unbelievers.
Holding awe of God defines your life. If we fall into sin, we have awe for ourself. That is when we are defined by our circumstances. That is when we are the center of the universe, and if we aren’t satisfied and pleased then something is wrong with the God we serve, not us. God is steadfast. His promises our true and they never change. It is when we put ourselves at the center of it rather than God, that is when the true danger arises. That is when we never our satisfied because we have missed the point all along.
2 Corinthians 5:15 “And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for Him who died for them and was raised again.”
If you aren’t feeling satisfied, I would recommend you check where your awe is. Is it in God? If not, pray for the Lord to bring it! I am praying for it in greater capacity right now as well! Because ultimately, no matter the circumstance, if our awe is in God, you will be satisfied and hold joyous gratitude for what you have been given. Only when we get past the fact that we aren’t living for ourselves, but for something far greater, will the growth of you skyrocket.
I am still struggling with this! I am walking through it right now! But I wanted to use the voice the Lord has given me to shine a light on this to all that read it.
I could go on and on about this, but I don’t want to steer others away with the length of this blog. From the simple Gospel! Please reach out to me if you would like to talk about this more and thank you for your prayers!
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