My testimony here is not to act like I’m in some place that I have it all together. That I don’t deal with issues and have many setbacks on my journey with Jesus. I simply want to point others towards the free gift of Jesus. That you discovering your identity in the Lord is one of the greatest gifts you could ever discover. I am testifying to where I have come only by the Lord and the Lord alone. All Glory goes to Him. It is, put simply, a radical inward transformation that I want to continue to pursue more inwardly and outwardly for the rest of my life. Here it is:
Wow. The World Race. Georgia. The first three months. I really had no idea what I was getting myself into. I am so thankful that despite my worries and fears, I was affirmed in where the Lord had called me. God knew what I needed more than me. That my life of fear could be overcome from one yes to the Lord’s calling.
Let me be real and vulnerable about where I was before coming on the race. I walked into campus with a lot of chains attached. My fear of being approved, wanted, and loved had held me back for a long time. This was a reoccurring fear as I met other people. That I wouldn’t be enough. I tried to show it didn’t matter what people thought of me when the complete opposite was true. I went through life finding different ways to cope with this problem, shying away from the Lord’s calling because I never felt like I was enough.
This journal entry I’m about to share is from the start of Georgia.
Journal entry, 9/5/2020
“Why? Why me God? Why do you call me to move mountains? Am I worthy? Can I really step up to the challenge? Sometimes I don’t feel like I can. The deeper and deeper God wants me to change me the deeper I want to run. I don’t see my self-worth because honestly I don’t want to see it.
(After writing what is above, I wrote this below. Writing as someone who had already overcome it all when I was deep within it. I can only thank the Spirit for working through me in writing encouragement in that time when I couldn’t accept the truth. I think now, standing in victory, the Lord has equipped this journal entry as a testimony for others)
It is there! The beauty in everyone! The beauty in the souls of others. God calls us all to work wonders in His name.
Proverbs 14:30
“A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones”
Rots the bones! You deteriorate yourself. Do not envy others because God loves you just as much as He loves the person next to you. You are loved perfectly and unconditionally even if you may not feel that from those in this world. So why you? Why? Because you are unconditionally loved by the Lord! As someone who has experienced such trouble with acceptance and love from others, I want you to know that never determines your self worth. The creator does. The creator has the say. And from what I’ve heard, He is a beautiful and wonderful creator. I pray to God to break my chains of fear. Of envy. Of doubts. This way of life has pushed me away from Jesus. Away from His purpose. I have become more self-centered. I have been absorbed as a victim rather than a vessel. A vessel of love. Of hope. Of peace. A true man of God who is zealous to share the good news. God loves you. Jesus died for you. Praise the Lord!”
(I see now this writing from arriving in Georgia was the Spirit testifying about me leaving Georgia. I didn’t even know where I was headed. I didn’t know where to go. But looking at this journal, somehow I already did)
Romans 12:2 “Do not conform to the patterns of this world, but instead be transformed by the renewing of your mind”
I was stuck in the patterns of the world! I was going through the motions with my faith. I was never fulfilled by the world. The sooner you realize you won’t be fulfilled by anything of this world, the sooner you will be able to find the answer to complete fulfillment. Only Jesus Christ our King.
I firmly believe you have to get out of the world to get into Heavenly places. Doesn’t mean it is the race. I know for me it was the race. It looks different for everyone. I got out of the patterns of the world I was walking through for 18 years of my life, and I am being made new each day by the transformation of my mind. At 19, I can testify that I am not of this world, but only in it. That’s the difference.
So where I am at. Well… I am firm in my identity in Christ. Yeah, there are problems I still deal with and I have to surrender to the Lord daily. I can humbly write this blog knowing I have so much learning to go through, but I can also stand here confidently and say that despite knowing where I am at and the growth I need, I am standing in my identity as a son of God. Not that you should expect me to be perfect from this change, but that you should expect me to know who I am. That I have destroyed my old, faulty temple. I have built a new one with Christ as the cornerstone. The temple may not always look pretty, but the foundation is firm. I am a son of God, the one true King, the great Father. In Georgia, I was able to step back from always looking to serve others and please others to find approval. To step back from shying away from who I was because of my fear of how others perceived me. To step back from the world. To take time for myself. To find my identity. Who I am.
I am so grateful for the time I had in Georgia. That all these passions I have can now be rooted in God’s great love. In Georgia, I figured out who I am. I figured out what my faith means to me. I have testified my death to sin, and my life in Christ. That I surrender my life to my Father and will work to do His will the rest of my days. I am not founded on the approval of man. Approval of people on earth fails in comparison to the approval of God. Knowing this is enough.
So my encouragement:
Find out who you are! We go through life, even as Christians, not understanding who we are. This is our foundation! God will work through you if you let Him. Through the help of the Spirit He will show you who you are. Don’t just walk through life, but walk out your identity in the life you have. An identity as a son/daughter of God. Finding a deep, personal relationship with a loving, perfect Father. This relationship is so, so sweet.
I can say with confidence that I am loved, worthy, wanted, and enough for my great Father and Jesus in Heaven. You can say it too. Live like it!
Song recommendation : “My Testimony” by Elevation Worship
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SAMSON! Wow this is so written so well. It’s been an honor seeing a brother grow and transform His identity in Christ. You are worthy & loved!!
crazy transformation!!! thanks for sharing this testimony samson!
So much substance in this blog Samson. It took me a few days to absorb it all which was great!
I will keep the Rotting Bones imagery in my mind forever!
Thank you for your service. Thank you for your commitment!
Samson I hope you know that you have just given every person in this world the solution to a better life. We all have struggled with these fears (approval, wanted & loved) that you have had and most people are still trying to solve these fears by ourselves. All we have to do is look outside our window or listen to the news to know most people have not made any progress.
But the miracle in your life of 19 years is that you have found the solution – Jesus Christ. Go tell your story to ALL! Love you Sammy.
thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing this!! I’ve loved watching your transformation and I can’t wait to see what else God will do through you!!
Thanks for sharing and encouraging others, Samson. It’s great to be reflecting and writing this down. Your T-Shirt you sold had the term Mountain Mover on it and sounds like God is moving big mountains in your life through the Race. Great to hear and see!
This is one of my favorite blogs you have written. I can hear, smell, see, taste, and touch the Holy Spirit through your words. They are filled with zeal and a maturity that has been developed over these months through intimacy with the Lord. proud of you
My dear, sweet Samson. I am still processing this latest entry. Wow! First, I was very impressed with your vulnerability and candidness in your personal sharing. Such confession is hard, especially for someone your age. Second, I must in turn be candid with you and say I was thoroughly surprised to learn of your long struggle to be accepted and loved. You succeeded in hiding that very well, even from your wise old Grams. Third, I am praising God that you have found your specialness, your acceptance, your love, your identity in him. Please know it will be an ongoing process. But what a joyful adventure, unlike any other and far more important! I love you, my precious kingdom warrior. Grandma Karen