Big Changes! Decisions! Who Chooses?

I have a big announcement to make about the changes to my trip!! The organization has decided that the new plan will be to stay at the home base in Georgia for 3 months. This will start September 1st and go through the year of 2020. The trip will then be overseas for 6 months starting in January. The time in Georgia entails missional training, leadership development, and discipleship. The organization has given other options besides this route such as going on a different 6 month trip starting in January or postponing for the following year. Leaving me with another big decision to make.

If I am being honest with you, the day I got the email, my heart sank. I put off reading it all day because I knew what it was, and I was not ready for the change. Many doubts and uncertainties filled my mind. 

“I wanted to be overseas as much as possible.”

“There will most likely be less time in children’s ministry.”

“Will the huge crowd of people in Georgia be too overwhelming for me?”

Or the biggest question. “Is it worth it?”

All these thoughts from the devil flooded in. He saw the opportunity to come in and he did. But once I had time to digest, I am so happy to be able to proclaim that God is SO much stronger. I had to ask myself, “Who chooses? Me?? Or God?” I couldn’t deny the answer. I turned to God for guidance. I knew that He was the ultimate decision maker and that I needed to push aside my preferences to seek Him.

After the first few days in my prayers, I came to an important distinction. Instead of asking for guidance, my prayers were put towards “God are you leading me somewhere different?” After all, He had already put me in this situation in the first place. He has put me on the race. He has put me on this squad. He has put me with an amazing group of young Christ followers and amazing leaders. At that point, I gained comfort in knowing that even if I don’t feel God moving me somewhere, it is because He had already pushed me to where I needed to be. If He wanted me somewhere different, He would show up. 

I am able to write this blog because I now truly feel God is leading me into this new path. This new journey. Into the unknown. When you read about the disciples in the Bible, God tells them to lay their lives down and follow Him. One man in particular that really speaks to me is the one who asked if he could first go say bye to his family. Jesus replies “No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.” WOW! Isn’t that crazy! I look at this passage and I say “Could I really do that? Could my faith ever be that strong? No looking back?! This man’s wife and kids would think their dad just ditched them!”

But how powerful is Luke 9:23-24. “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily for me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it.” This is so foundational to being a true follower of Christ. I have had to remind myself of this verse, and despite the uncertainties, God’s better is better than my better. It is so hard to say, “God, I will lose my life for you. I will fully devote my life to you.”

 But our reward is in heaven! How great His blessings will be if we take up our cross daily! 

God has allowed me to see the bright side of things now. God is stronger than my fears. I see the wonderful opportunity to grow with other followers of Christ. I have never had a powerful community to grow with and be supported by. I will be able to learn so much about what it means to be a disciple of Jesus. 

I am praying for all those who have supported me and thank you for the generosity. I am praying deeply for all my squad-mates who have been faced with this tough decision. I do understand that through this God has also opened up other doors for my squad members that He is leading them through. I wish everyone the best in their path!